Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Mark of Vishnu

This story was 1st published in 1950 by Khushwant Singh, I read it in my class IX I.C.S.E. English Literature  Short Stories Book in 1999.



“This is for the Kala Nag,” said Gunga Ram, pouring the milk into the saucer. “Every night I leave it outside the hole near the wall and it’s gone by the morning.”


“Perhaps it is the cat,” we youngsters suggested.


“Cat!” said Gunga Ram with contempt. “No cat goes near that hole. Kala Nag lives there. As long as I give him milk, he will not bite anyone in this house. You can all go about wit bare feet and play where you like.”


We were not having any patronage from Gunga Ram.


“You’re a stupid old Brahmin,” I said. “Don’t you know snakes don’t drink milk? At least one couldn’t drink a saucerful every day. The teacher told us that a snake eats only once in several days. We saw a grass snake which had just swallowed a frog. It stuck like a blob in its throat and took several days to dissolve and go down its tail. We’ve got dozens of them in the lab in methylated spirit. Why, last month the teacher bought one from a snake-charmer which could run both ways. It had another head with a pair of eyes at the tail. You should have seen the fun when it was put in the jar. There wasn’t an empty one in the lab. So the teacher put it in one which had a Russell’s viper. He caught its two ends with a pair of forceps, dropped it in the jar, and quickly put the lid on. There was an absolute storm as it went round and round in the glass tearing the decayed viper into shreds.”




Gunga Ram shut his eyes in pious horror.


“You will pay for it one day. Yes, you will.”


It was no use arguing with Gunga Ram. He, like all good Hindus, believed in the Trinity of Brahma, Vishnu, and Siva – the creator, preserver , and destroyer. Of these he was most devoted to Vishnu. Every morning he smeared his forehead with a V-mark in sandalwood paste to honour the deity. Although a Brahmin, he was illiterate and full of superstition. To him, all life was sacred, even if it was of a serpent or scorpion or centipede. Whenever he saw one he quickly shoved it away lest we kill it. He picked up wasps we battered with our badminton rackets and tended their damaged wings. Sometimes he got stung. It never seemed to shake his faith. The more dangerous the animal, the more devoted Gunga Ram was to its existence. Hence the regard for snakes; above all, the cobra, who was the Kala Nag.


“We will kill your Kala Nag if we see him.”


“I won’t let you. It’s laid a hundred eggs and if you kill it all the eggs will become cobras and the house will be full of them. Then what will you do?”


“We’ll catch them alive and send them to Bombay. They milk them there for anti-snake-bite serum. They pay two rupees for a live cobra. That makes two hundred rupees straightaway.”


“Your doctors must have udders. I never saw a snake have any. But don’t you dare touch this one. It is a phannyar – it is hooded. I’ve seen it. It’s three hands long. As for its hood!” Gunga Ram opened the palms of his hands and his head swayed from side to side. “You should see it basking on the lawn in the sunlight.”


“That just proves what a liar you are. The phannyar is the male, so it couldn’t have laid the hundred eggs. You must have laid the eggs yourself.”




The party burst into peals of laughter.


“Must be Gunga Ram’s eggs. We’ll soon have a hundred Gunga Rams.”


Gunga Ram was squashed. It was the lot of a servant to be constantly squashed. But having the children of the household make fun of him was too much even for Gunga Ram. They were constantly belittling him with their new-fangled ideas. They never read their scriptures. Nor even what the Mahatma said about non-violence. It was just shotguns to kill birds and the jars of methylated spirit to drown snakes. Gunga Ram would stick to his faith in the sanctity of life. He would feed and protect snakes because snakes were the most vile of God’s creatures on earth. If you could love them, instead of killing them, you proved your point.


What the point was which Gunga Ram wanted to prove was not clear. He just proved it by leaving the saucerful of milk by the snake hole every night and finding it gone in the morning.




One day we saw Kala Nag. The monsoons had burst with all their fury and it had rained in the night. The earth which had lain parched and dry under the withering heat of the summer sun was teeming with life. In little pools frogs croaked. The muddy ground was littered with crawling worms, centipedes, and velvety lady-birds. Grass had begun to show and the banana leaves glistened bright and glossy green. The rain had flooded Kala Nag’s hole. He sat in an open patch on the lawn. His shiny black hood glistened in the sunlight. He was big – almost six feet in length, and rounded and fleshy, as my wrist.


“Looks like a King Cobra. Let’s get him.”


Kala Nag did not have much of a chance. The ground was slippery and all the holes and gutters were full of water. Gunga Ram was not at home to help.




Armed with long bamboo sticks, we surrounded Kala Nag before he even scented the danger. When he saw us his eyes turned a fiery red and he hissed and spat on all sides. Then like lightning Kala Nag made for the banana grove.


The ground was too muddy and he slithered. He had hardly gone five yards when a stick caught him in the middle and broke his back. A volley of blows reduced him to a squishy-squashy pulp of black and white jelly, spattered with blood and mud. His head was still undamaged.


“Don’t damage the hood,” yelled one of us. ”We’ll take Kala Nag to school.”


So we slid a bamboo stick under the cobra’s belly and lifted him on the end of the pole. We put him in a large biscuit tin and tied it up with string. We hid the tin under a bed.


At night I hung around Gunga Ram waiting for him to get his saucer of milk. “Aren’t you going to take any milk for the Kala Nag tonight?”


“Yes,” answered Gunga Ram irritably. “You go to bed.”


He did not want any more argument on the subject.


“He won’t need the milk any more.”


Gunga Ram paused.


“Why?”


“Oh, nothing. There are so many frogs about. They must taste better than your milk. You never put any sugar in it anyway.”


The next morning Gunga Ram brought back the saucer with the milk still in it. He looked sullen and suspicious.


“I told you snakes like frogs better than milk.”


Whilst we changed and had breakfast Gunga Ram hung around us. The school bus came and we clambered into it with the tin. As the bus started we held out the tin to Gunga Ram.


“Here’s your Kala Nag. Safe in this box. We are going to put him in spirit.”


We left him standing speechless, staring at the departing bus.


There was great excitement in the school. We were a set of four brothers, known for our toughness. We had proved it again.


“A King Cobra.”


“Six feet long.”


The tin was presented to the science teacher.


It was on the teacher’s table, and we waited for him to open it and admire our kill. The teacher pretended to be indifferent and set us some problems to work on. With studied matter-of-factness he fetched his forceps and a jar with a banded Krait lying curled in muddy methylated spirit. He began to hum and untie the cord around the box.


As soon as the cord was loosened the lid flew into the air, just missing the teacher’s nose. There was Kala Nag. His eyes burnt like embers and his hood was taut and undamaged. With a loud hiss he went for the teacher’s face. The teacher pushed himself back on the chair and toppled over. He fell on the floor and stared at the cobra, petrified with fear. The boys stood up on their desks and yelled hysterically.


Kala Nag surveyed the scene with his bloodshot eyes. His forked tongue darted in and out excitedly. He spat furiously and then made a bid for freedom. He fell out of the tin on to the floor with a loud plop. His back was broken in several places and he dragged himself painfully to the door. When he got to the threshold he drew himself up once again with his hood outspread to face another danger.


Outside the classroom stood Gunga Ram with a saucer and a jug of milk. As soon as he saw Kala Nag come up he went down on his knees. He poured the milk into the saucer and placed it near the threshold. With hands folded in prayer he bowed his head to the ground craving forgiveness. In desperate fury, the cobra hissed and spat and bit Gunga Ram all over the head – then with great effort dragged himself into a gutter and wriggled out of view.


Gunga Ram collapsed with his hands covering his face. He groaned in agony. The poison blinded him instantly. Within a few minutes he turned pale nad blue and froth appeared in his mouth. On his forehead were little drops of blood. These the teacher wiped with his handkerchief. Underneath was the V-mark where the Kala Nag had dug his fangs.



Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Facebook Part III

More at http://www.guidespot.com/guides/facebook_status_funny_fail/





Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The best by Gulzar ?

Read 1st time on Bibhuti's blog


Takiye pe tere sar ka woh tippa hai, pada hai
Chadar mein tere jism ki woh soundhi si khusboo
Hathon mein mehekta hai tere chehre ka ehshas
Mathe pe tere hothon ki woh mohor lagi hai

Tu itni kareeb hai ki tujhe dekhun to kaise
Thodi si alag ho to tere chehre ko dekhun..

-Gulzar







Monday, November 16, 2009

Get Back - Ludacris

Ludacris is hot, his skin glistens and his voice is so sexy.


Based on the number of times this song has been on continuous loop on my playlist this month, here is the Number one song for November 
Those who have seen Tropic Thunder will remember Tom Cruise dancing to it , I too imitate a few steps while driving , (especially the neck step at 1:15 min)


 'Yeek yeek woop woop!! why you all in my ear?!
Talking a whole bunch of shit
That I ain't trying to hear!'



I dedicate these lines early in the morning while driving to college daily , to my college teachers and specially the Dean. 


And as long as I am on the topic of Ludacris and his amazing lyrics the following line was rapped by me, in jest, to all my hostel friends in 2007 
'you lookin good in them jeans I bet you look even better with me in between'


Movies seen of late



The Bank Job
Jason Statham and movies on British crime are growing up on me.

He is just not that into You
Who says Hollywood doesn't produce trash. (actually no one ) This movie had Ben Affleck , Bradley Cooper and my fav fav fav Drew Barrymore and still it did nothing. Long boring narrative and story , the movie is like the combined wisdom of 2 dozen Women magazines.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

6 Series

Watched 1st 2-4 episodes of half a dozen TV shows


The office:
Very funny . But do not wish to be reminded of office. Not following


Curb Your Enthusiasm:
It took half of the pilot episode to grab my attention, what I liked was that the protagonist
a) either spoke a lot or didn't
b) didn't say much to his wife but when asked told everything in detail .


Not gonna follow it as of now


Glee :
Was okay but a musical not going to follow it


Californication :
So much nudity , till yesterday I didn't know that nudity was allowed on TV in USA , I thought it was only in the movies, not gonna see it





Everybody Loves Raymond :














I love his family and Ray and Brad Garrett's voice, need the series DVD desperately















How I met Your Mother :




















reminded me of  Friends , love the law student character, some romance and comedy , will watch 


As for Two and a Half Men I am completely hooked.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Pradesh






Today I got stuck in a Law Publisher's Office cum Book Store for 53 minutes. The publishers are so scared of baseless litigation that they have a rule book which can put the Indian Constitution ( Bulkiest in the world ) to shame. There was some problem and they refused to give anything in writing, a 'new' employee who tried to help me got his calculator snatched by an 'oldie' , the management refused to give the bill in case I connive with an accountant, refused my 'keep the balance' tactic , kept on talking about liability and finally didn't let me leave the shop only till the problem got solved.


At least in U.P. being a lawyer is a big thing , it doesn't mean that one would get money or cases , but for those who are useless and khaska hua like me try it the next time you are in U.P. 1st Say that you are an LL.B and enjoy funny reactions for a few days , then say that you are an advocate who is now doing masters in law and enjoy people's reaction even more.


It is not as if I purposefully tell my occupation but whenever asked have seen all of the following (100% true reactions ) 
shop keepers going pale , biting their tongue, pulling their ear like in school , giving more discount , 
[favouring me /getting rid of me asap (special mention of government office and my college peons ) ] ,  shop servants and agents running off and that's the best, for
any visit to the super market means being followed by 'madam yeh card le lijeye' , but once it gets clear that madam can actually follow the condition ' all disputes subject to the jurisdiction of courts in U.P. ' , madam gets left alone real quick and for good.


It is a prevalent social custom in U.P. to get the word ADVOCATE painted in bold red letters on the two Number Plates and also on the Front and Rear Window , I however haven't followed it , but this too has it's advantages , sometimes the parking gets free , if it doesn't and when rowdiness is just around the corner then the sign provides moral support and sends sos to nearby loitering , lurking brothers, the policemen never misbehave , and I am still to hear of a Car Tow , only the word PRESS comes a close second to this beautiful , useful and effective calligraphic adornment.


Below the word one may find District Court or Session Court written too, once I saw ADVOCATE, sonu de poppu de Daddy too , may be by not photographing it I missed getting 'world bestest' photography award   


I see the words Guujjar Raaj written on rear window on many S.U.V's in Delhi , still to understand the reason behind that but my reason for the usage of the colour red for vakil bhaiyalog is the paan peek on every corner of court premises, actually our dress is Black , White with a mandatory Red Mouth, lahul wula kuwat on an advocate who doesn't follow this dress code.




Meanwhile Behan Kumari Sushri Mayawati ji has won 9 out of 11 seats in U.P. byelections , every penny of the state gets spent on statues and parks and elephants under her regime still ...to end on a lighter note





Friday, November 6, 2009

Finally Part III / running around mad as lorries









Again 
(like the other two Guy Ritchie movies I have seen,) Movie 1 , Movie 2
Snatch was entertaining had a great background music and I remained hopelessly clueless  for the 1st half an hour.


Loved these lines:








Tommy: "you shouldn't drink this stuff anyway" (milk)
Turkish: "why what's wrong with it?" 


Tommy: "It's not in sync with evolution "...
"Cows have only been domesticated in the last 8000 years. Before that, they were running around mad as lorries. The human digestive system hasn't got used to any dairy products yet." 

Turkish: "Well, fuck me, Tommy. What have you been reading?"






Thursday, November 5, 2009

Benefit of a rare worthy forwarded mail / Not to be missed / Facebook Part II








Tuesday, November 3, 2009

भालूं ने दो आतंकवादी मार गिराए


Glorious day in the history of India- Kashmir- POK - LOC - LAC etc. etc.  .. I am not amused but 'seriously happy' . 
The nation should have conserve the bear movement and adopt a bear scheme. 

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Finally Part II



Finally watched RocknRolla (reminded me of Lock Stock) 
My one word review marvelous . 
And This movie justifies the word entertainment.

Special Mention : Background music and Mr. One Two

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Dumb

Came across this site resist.in , some jokes especially those relating to economics went above my head, some I followed only after going through the site and understanding the kind of humour , liked this one http://resist.in/2

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Finally



















Finally watched The Hangover , extremely funny

Thursday, October 22, 2009

1st time practice of a self learnt ...



I am of the firm belief that anti - majoritarianism is not secularism .
I have always spoken up against any such discussion publicly as well as in political science classes and have always got into trouble and have always been seen with suspicion by the psuedo secularists (  typical JNU types ) 
Today in class a very normal fight between two girls turned into a majority - minority issue .
1st of all there should have been no fight and 2 ndly the playing of the minority card in a personal fight was just too much too handle, 
The standard of the fight was like the one seen on streets ( or in ladies common room in U.P. courts )
But all through out I showed great restraint and sat quietly , if growing up has taught me one thing, it is to not jump into others fight and to not have any discussion on religion and politics the two together are a recipe for disaster.
What secularism means in the Indian context is that the Indian state has no official religion . We are not a theist state we are not an atheist state. I fail to see how being pro minority or anti majority makes one secular .

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The disaster that it was


I chose Main aur Mrs Khanna over All the Best and Blue. Skipped All the best because of Ajay Dev'gn' and comedy together and Blue because I watch enough Documentaries already.
So I went with my family and all through out the film I felt so guilty for making them go through the torture.
In the middle I went and sat alone and realised one more benefit of watching movies alone, make a bad choice suffer alone and be guilt free.
I had to fight with the Cinemaplex manager yesterday to get today's tickets and all that fight resulted in this.
Send tickets to your enemies , take revenge.
There is no plot, no story and no Salman
It has Sohail and BAAAapi Lahiri